He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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