I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
