im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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