I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
