Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
