I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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