Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
