I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
