im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If that was your dad, he is hot
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
