I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
