Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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