the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
