The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
