so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
