i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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