thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
