we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
