The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
