so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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