When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
