the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
