my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
