I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
