Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
17 year olds will be the death of me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
