Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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