Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
