Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
