Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize