I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
