Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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