My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
