Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
