on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
