forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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