Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
