From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
