i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
