i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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