i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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