That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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