guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
