Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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