a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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