I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
