Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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