Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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