OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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