you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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