I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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