if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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