i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
