Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
