I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so let's talk penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
