you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If its not for food we ain't going out.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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