I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
