There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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