cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
