Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
