You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
