Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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