I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
