Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
