If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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