Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
