This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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