Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
