Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
