My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
