last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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