i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
