stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
