My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
