my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
